31 Tweets about
Funny
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I don’t think any of @ronnychieng’s innovations are ready to bring to market. Luckily, brilliant scientists and engineers around the world have developed hundreds of exciting solutions that will prevent illness and death: gatesnot.es/3kjj3oh twitter.com/TheDailyShow/s…

No one: Absolutely nobody: Not a single soul: Not even your mom: Podcasters: “People often ask me...”

over 2 years ago

Me: This food is supposed to last the next 2 weeks of the quarantine. My stomach: If you give your best effort, you could probably finish all of this in 24 hours. Me: Challenge accepted.

over 2 years ago

Proposal: A small habit should be called a hobbit.

over 2 years ago

I want to see the reality show by which people compete to be Elon's meme dealer. Meme dealers, announce yourselves.

if I could answer emails with my mind, I would be like 300% more productive

Top 3 industry losers and winners if gravity were turned off losers: 1) necklaces 2) trampolines 3) cacti succulents winners: 1) large butterfly nets 2) dog leashes 3) toothpicks for sandwiches

You know you’re old when autocorrect doesn’t recognize the word Geocities.

over 2 years ago

For all my supposed technical chops, I’m not afraid to admit I was today years old when I realized I don’t have to point the Apple remote at the Apple TV device 🤦🏻‍♂️

There are 2 types of people in the world: those who like raisins in potato salad and the 7,799,999,999 others who don’t.

over 2 years ago

I want all you millennials to know what song runs through the heads of baby boomers every time we log onto yet another video convence call. Every. Single. Time. youtu.be/I3AzdiWHEuc

I have two paths to becoming a billionaire: 1) start a world changing company 2) marry an early stripe employee

over 2 years ago

Bill Gates next Bachelor, sources say

over 2 years ago

how i envision my career path > college student > PM > founder > angel investor > twitter famous > cancelled

over 2 years ago

"Few understand this" is a stupid Twitter phrase that should be avoided. Few understand this.

I was lucky enough to land Tim Ferriss as a friend and investor. The story of how I met him is a bit diff than u prolly think (hint: drugs). twitter.com/TheHustle/stat…

Nothing a strategically-placed sticker can’t improve 😄💙 pic.twitter.com/SrCUtQOjwo

dhh tweet image
over 2 years ago

2020 was the year of the fake expert. 2021 will be the year of the scrappy upstart. twitter.com/micsolana/stat…

over 2 years ago

Before Twitter, people just used to yell at the TV.

over 2 years ago

No one told me that getting married just meant your spouse would use your name, email, and phone number to register for any service that will incessantly spam you for the rest of your days..... If I hear, “I had to put down an email to register for the WiFi,” one more time...

Fast food menu: "Hamburger" Mid-tier chain restaurant: "Wood-fired sizzled USDA grade beef on our house made sesame bun" Upscale chic restaurant: "Hamburger"

over 2 years ago

I wanna start a Museum of Wokeness kind of like the Museum of Sex or the Museum of Ice Cream for the best headlines and threads and whatnot because it’s important we see this for what it is which is really good conceptual art

over 2 years ago