1 Youtube Video by
Sue Johnson
An idea that changed my love life - YouTube
  • "People vary greatly in their need for intimacy & closeness & these differences create clashes"
  • 4 attachment styles: "Secure, Anxious, Avoidant, Disorganized"
  • We're told that the ideal relationship is between two self-sufficient individuals.
  • But
  • "Codependency" - has become a buzzword.
  • "Our need to share our lives with someone is part of our genetic makeup"
  • Once we choose a partner there is no question about whether dependency exists or not - it always does.
  • In order to have a strong survival advantage it was very beneficial for a couple to become one psychological unit.
  • "We've been bred to be dependent on a significant other. The need starts in the womb and ends when we die"
  • "There's no such thing as co-dependency, just effective and ineffective dependency" - Sue Johnson.
  • The dependency paradox: Most people are only as needy as their unmet needs.
  • Numerous studies have shown that dependency leads to independence.
  • If people would become better at communicating their needs & feelings we'd likely see more relationships where people's needs aren't being met.